TV REVIEW: X-Men (1.7) – Slave Island
Tim MatassaBeing enslaved wasn’t on the X-Men’s vacation itinerary. Plus, Storm and Gambit enact terrible plans, Cyclops is done talking shit now that Wolverine is back, and a badass mercenary wages a one-man war.
Tag: Kids
TV REVIEW: X-Men (1.6) – Cold Vengeance
Lovesick Wolverine flees to Canada and finds momentary peace. Plus, Cyclops is salty, Sabretooth is hellbent on revenge, and Gambit thinks they’ve found mutants’ paradise.
TV REVIEW: X-Men (1.5) – Captive Hearts
The team heads underground to battle a group of weirdos. Plus, Storm confronts her claustrophobia, Wolverine ogles a picture, and Cyclops is a coveted sperm donor.
TV REVIEW: X-Men (1.4) – Deadly Reunions
Professor X probes deep in Sabretooth’s tormented mind, with mixed results. Plus, an anti-mutant extremist announces his candidacy for president, Magneto’s weaknesses are exploited, and Jubilee should never be left in charge.
MOVIE REVIEW: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Comparison is the thief of joy—and it’s making the queen psychotic. Plus, a spell is cast, an apple is poisoned, and a premature burial is planned. It’s dark days for Snow White.
TV REVIEW: X-Men (1.3) – Enter Magneto
Magneto has entered the fray, and he’s not messing around. Plus, Wolverine calls out the professor, a badass villain is defanged, and Beast has time to catch up on his Dostoevsky.
TV REVIEW: X-Men (1.2) – Night of the Sentinels: Part II
An X-Man falls, but do we need to care? Plus, Beast is caged, Wolverine pouts, and a threat emerges from the shadows.
TV REVIEW: X-Men (1.1) – Night of the Sentinels: Part 1
Anti-mutant hysteria runs rampant, and the Mutant Control Agency takes advantage. Plus, the X-Men can’t keep tabs on a teenager, Sentinels are kinda funny, and who the eff is Morph?
MOVIE REVIEW: The Land Before Time
Littlefoot faces tragedy while trying to avoid starvation. Plus, three horns never play with long necks, Spike just eats and sleeps, and Cera makes a strong case for most annoying kids’ character ever.
MOVIE REVIEW: Ice Age
It’s Three Men and a Baby with prehistoric mammals. Plus, herds stick together, Diego plays a terrifying version of peekaboo, and we should all hope to have someone look at us the way Scrat looks at that acorn.